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Sonic the Hedgehog (Digital Preview) (Blu-ray)

"Okay, okay. Everything is fine. You played some baseball, got a little upset, lightning shot out of your butt, and now they're coming for you."


The Movie

I know! And he had such a good streak going too. You see, back when Sonic (voiced by Ben Schwartz) was but a wee hoglet, all sorts of ninja warrior no-good-niks mounted an assault to seize hold of his boundless energy and hyper-speed. For his protection, Sonic was flung through a portal onto a backwater planet called Earth. Maybe you've heard of it. Anyway, Sonic would be safe there so long as he kept out of sight, and for ten whole years, that's exactly what he did. The good folks of Green Hills, Montana had no clue there was a cerulean speedster among them. (Well, no one but Carl, who'd pay him any mind?) Maybe they didn't know boo about Sonic, but he sure got to know a whole bunch about the couple hundred residents of this sleepy little town, watching 'em from a safe distance as they lived their lives. But Sonic wanted to be where the people are, walking on those – what do you call 'em? – oh, yeah, feet, but as hard as he wished, he could never be part of that world. And as the loneliness and isolation finally seized hold...wham! Sonic went fast enough to knock out the power grid for the entire Pacific Northwest. Oops.

Let's just say that raises a red flag or two. The military dispatches one of their most dastardly brilliant minds to investigate: Dr. Robotnik (Jim Carrey). And as a platoon of soldiers and the good doctor's legion of mecha-drones close in, Sonic seeks refuge in the only place left in Green Hills that seems safe: the home of Sheriff Tom (James Marsden) and his veterinarian wife Maddie (Tika Sumpter). In the chaos, Sonic's Get Out of Earth Free card winds up plummeting through a portal to San Francisco. This...[read the entire Blu-ray review of Sonic the Hedgehog (Digital Preview)]



The Wizard (Collector's Edition) (Blu-ray)

I love The Wizard. It's so bad.

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In case Lucas (Jackey Vinson) and his Power Glove didn't tip you off, we're not talking about an "alakazam!" type of wizard here; more the "he's making the jump, it's his second time through, and he hasn't even taken a hit yet!"-in-Ninja-Gaiden variety. Not that anyone would believe young Jimmy (Luke Edwards) would be capable of such a feat. Not that anyone would believe Jimmy is capable of anything. The kid's been borderline-catatonic for a couple of years now. He's all but mute. He compulsively stacks whatever's in front of him. His face is devoid of any expression whatsoever. For reasons unknown to everyone but himself, Jimmy feels compelled to walk out the door and head west to California, and the cops have been called to track him down more than a couple of times. It's gotten to the point where therapy isn't making any meaningful in-roads, and his mother and stepfather (Wendy Phillips and Sam McMurray) are talking about committing him to an institution.

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So what if they're not as close as they used to be since the divorce? Corey (Fred Savage) can't let his half-brother be locked away like some kind of secret shame. Jimmy wants to go to California? Fine. Let's do it. Alas, it turns out that twentysomething bucks and change won't get the two of 'em very far. But just when things look hopeless, a plan begins to take shape, courtesy of their new pal Haley (Jenny Lewis). They discover in the bus station that Jimmy is a video game savant – maybe even skilled enough to take home the big prize at the Video Armageddon championship in Los Angeles. If he wins, that'll surely prove that Jimmy doesn't deserve to be institutionalized. And Haley certainly has plans for her share of...[read the entire Blu-ray review of The Wizard (Collector's Edition)]



Bluebeard's Eighth Wife (Blu-ray)

"Well, this was some meet-cute!"
"Sorry...?"
"It's how two characters meet in a movie. Say, a man and a woman both need something to sleep in, and they both go to the same men's pajamas department. And the man says to the salesman, 'I just need bottoms.' The woman says, 'I just need a top.' They look at each other...and that's the meet-cute."

- Arthur and Iris, The Holiday


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I'd tell you how Michael Brandon (Gary Cooper) and Nicole de Loiselle (Claudette Colbert) met, but Arthur Abbott pretty much covered it. Maybe it's not the way one might hope a story about stumbling upon romance in the French Riviera might go, but whatever. This American business mogul had ventured out in search of a pajama top – and only a top, bottoms be damned! – and wound up finding the love of his life. And he attempts to deal with Nicole as he would with anything else he wants: impulsively and decisively with checkbook in hand. No matter how much her penniless Marquis of a father (Edward Everett Horton) might hope, Nicole isn't for sale. But she winds up falling for the guy anyway. The wedding's right around the corner, he's meeting her extended family for the first time, and they're all about to get a portrait taken when Nicole suddenly clues in: she's not the love of his life so much as another in a long line.

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What's there to be sore about? Okay, okay, maybe "fidelity" isn't in Mr. Brandon's vocabulary, but all seven (!) of his ex-wives are still being taken care of. The pre-nup guarantees them fifty grand a year for life, tax-free. (That's in spitting distance of a million bucks these days, accounting for inflation.) But as Michael can surely appreciate, it's not about money for Nicole; it's the principle of the matter! If she's gonna be...[read the entire Blu-ray review of Bluebeard's Eighth Wife]



More reviews...

Stuff I've Watched Recently

  • 3/28: Sonic the Hedgehog (Hdtv)
  • 3/27: House on Haunted Hill (1959) (Blu-ray)
  • 3/27: The Return of the Fly (Blu-ray)
  • 3/27: Dr. Phibes Rises Again (Blu-ray)
  • 3/26: The Last Man on Earth (1964) (Blu-ray)
  • 3/25: The Tomb of Ligeia (Blu-ray)
  • 3/25: The Comedy of Terrors (Blu-ray)
  • 3/20: The Raven (1963) (Blu-ray)
  • 3/20: Christine (Uhd)
  • 3/19: Easy Virtue (Hdtv)
  • 3/17: Little Women (2019) (Hdtv)
  • 3/17: The Wizard (Collector's Edition) (Blu-ray; Commentary)
  • 3/15: The Wizard (Collector's Edition) (Blu-ray)
  • 3/14: Panda! Go Panda! (Blu-ray)
  • 3/13: The Fall of the House of Usher (Blu-ray)
More of my boring video log...
 
Movies I've Acquired Recently

  • 3/31: Birds of Prey (Steelbook) (Uhd)
  • 3/31: Gamera: The Complete Collection (Blu-ray)
  • 3/30: VFW (Uhd)
  • 3/28: Pom Poko (Blu-ray)
  • 3/28: Constantine: The Complete Series (Blu-ray)
  • 3/27: Rad (Uhd)
  • 3/21: The Satanic Rites of Dracula (Blu-ray)
  • 3/21: Dracula A.D. 1972 (Blu-ray)
  • 3/21: Frankenstein 1970 (Blu-ray)
  • 3/21: The Unsinkable Molly Brown (Blu-ray)
  • 3/21: The Thin Man (Blu-ray)
  • 3/21: Gaslight (Blu-ray)
  • 3/21: Wagon Master (Blu-ray)
  • 3/21: The Fearless Vampire Killers (Blu-ray)
  • 3/17: Forgotten Gialli, Volume 1 (Blu-ray)
More stuff I've bought or been sent to review...


 
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