About Me
 
I'm not sure what motivated you to click onto this page, but here goes:

My name's Adam Tyner, which I'm hoping you knew before venturing this far into the site. I'm 38 years old and work for a small company in Greenville, SC writing database-driven web applications for hotel chains. It's incrementally more exciting than it sounds. I could jot down some stuff about how I'm originally from Charleston and how I went to Clemson University, but I think you can get a better sense of a person from their tastes in movies, music, and television than some sort of stale, rambling biography, so I'll skip to that part.

Since I spend an inordinate amount of my free time watching movies, I guess that's as good a place as any to start. I have a ridiculously large DVD collection, and there are at least a couple of movies worth watching in with the rest of the dreck. I occasionally write reviews for DVD Talk, which is my excuse for owning Flesh Eating Mothers and Blood Sisters of Lesbian Sin. If you like overlong, self-indulgent, awkwardly worded reviews, I've scribbled down enough to keep you occupied for months. I don't have a top ten list to rattle off, but I can say that my two favorites are Léon and Jaws, and I genuinely have no idea why I gave Jaws a hyperlink. An impulsive road trip to see Requiem for a Dream was indirectly responsible for me becoming gainfully employed, so the few bucks I spent on that ticket has led to several hundred thousand dollars worth of paychecks so far, and that's not a bad ROI. The original Dawn of the Dead is the movie that turned me into something resembling a cinephile, and even though horror's my favorite genre (as you could probably tell by the overwhelming number of DVDs I have with "blood" or "dead" in the title), zombie flicks are the only movies that really manage to unsettle me. That's probably why I have so many of 'em. I'm also strangely fascinated by campy schlock, so I can say with some authority that the best-worst movies of all time are The Apple, A·P·E, Leprechaun 4: In Space, and Troll 2, and I'm not as embarrassed as you might think about creating the world's first Killer Tomatoes website in 1997. I'll watch pretty much anything Bruce Campbell's in (if you ever bump into me in person, I'm more than likely wearing an Evil Dead t-shirt), even if the disclaimer warns me in advance that it's a Sci-Fi Original Movie.

If I had to encapsulate my taste in music with two words and a hyphen, it'd be "power-pop". Yup, I'm a pop loser, and some of my favorite bands include Ash, Devo, The Hippos, Jellyfish, Moxy Fruvous, The New Pornographers, The Rentals, The Rondelles, Sloan, that dog., They Might Be Giants, Tuscadero, The Vapors, Velocity Girl, Weezer back when they were good, XTC, "Weird Al" Yankovic, and the Young Fresh Fellows. If it has some combination of whale-sized pop hooks, crunchy power chords, female harmonies, and squawking analog synthesizers, I probably like it, with bonus points for a harpsichord or sleigh bells.

My favorite TV series of all time is the criminally short-lived Freaks and Geeks, and I followed Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel so closely that my DVD reviews of those sets read more like excruciatingly long essays. I'm a rabidly devoted fan of Veronica Mars, The Office, and the hopefully-not-dead-quite-yet Arrested Development, and I also watch Battlestar Galactica, Deadwood, and Lost regularly even though those are in no immediate danger of an Adam Tyner-constructed fansite.

What else is there to mention? I'm not related to McCoy Tyner, Rudolph Tyner, or Rob Tyner, although under duress, I might admit to being related to Tom Tyner. I take too much pride in being left-handed. I'm convinced Saturday afternoon is the ideal time to eat chopped pork barbeque sandwiches. I flew to Montréal and danced in the background during one take of the filming of an episode of Big Wolf on Campus guest-starring Corey Feldman. If you make plans in advance to eat at Applebee's, I probably don't think much of you. I was on a game show you've never heard of on Nickelodeon when I was in 6th grade. I like writing series of choppy, unrelated sentences. I'm shy; it's endearing. I can effortlessly rattle off all fifty states in alphabetical order and can recite the phonetic alphabetic, neither skill ever having proven particularly useful. I can quote a conversation we had three years ago almost word-for-word, but I'll forget what TV show I'm watching mid-commercial. If I can't figure out how to end a sentence or conversation, I'll abruptly stop with a "so, yeah".

So, yeah.

I could pretend that everything is ©2017 Adam Tyner, but it's probably not.